Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Oh Great, Nothing Is Wrong...Again

I think i'm a fucking idiot, now that I think of it, I go to the doctor and hope something is a matter... I mean you shoulda saw the ultrasound lady's face when she told me everything looked perfect, fuck, excellent? I looked so disappointed....

On one hand I should be happy that I am a perfectly healthy woman with a reproductive tract that um "works", I should also be happy that my past RE was right, and all the follices I make, umm hmm, without medicine, is AMAZING.... yeah, that's me the friggin over damn achiever...

Now I have to come to the realization that my DH is probably gonna be asked for a semen sample, with of course, you all know he ain't ready to do....

Oh Man!1

Monday, December 29, 2008

The Wind Blows...

DH's uncomfortable look signaled what I already thought, he's having groin pain again, "Oh no, my life is getting worst", I thought to myself, though my life is not bad at all. I have a good paying job, a good education, a wonderful dh and family, the ability to go to law school in 2010, and a good idea of what I want future wise. Yet, I can't stop asking this question......

Me: "Can I have a baby for christmas next year"
DH: "Yes"
Me: "Put them under the tree, don't wrap it"
Me: "Can I have a baby now"
DH: "Yes"


Sunday, December 28, 2008

A Little Chat...

DH: "Do they have kids"
Me: "No...."
DH: "How old are they"
Me: "I think she's 37 and he's 34, something like that"
DH: "Complications..."
Me: "Yeah they suck huh"
DH: "Sure do"

Sigh..... where's our baby?

Saturday, December 27, 2008

IUI in Question

After practicing this line over and over again in my head the entire day, a few weeks ago I stumbled into the kitchen, and said, “Babe you wanna do a IUI a year from now in December 2009”, my optimistic yet worried husband said, sure let’s do it, but I thought it was $25,000 (example 1 that he listens when I talk) “No” I said back, “IUI is covered under your insurance, but IVF which can cost up to $25,000 is not covered.” We can save for the IVF all next year if the IUI’s don’t work”. That night DH was totally happy and positive, but by that morning there was no words on what was spoken. Two weeks later when I had a bladder infection, my new OB/GYN asked about my TTC efforts, amazingly he ordered bloodwork, an ultrasound and a S/A for DH. When I told DH about this all in an email he did not respond, I then wrote him again and said you know what it’s okay, we just bought a house and we can wait. To which he responded with “I love you”.

Now Christmas Eve, as Grandpa touched my empty stomach and asked if there’s a baby there yet, to my reply of no, probably never….DH looked concerned and said to me “I thought we agreed to wait a year, Next December”…..

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Meeting Me Again....

I started blogging in July of 2008, that was the start of cycle 7 it is also the start of our infertility testing, blogging helped me with all the questions, confusion and anger. I completed a set of blood work, genetic testing, ultrasound, cultures and a HSG, only to be told I had Mycoplasma. My husband, completed the blood work, but has yet to do a semen analysis, that’s a story in itself. We were both treated for the Mycoplasma, and we thought we’d be pregnant soon after, well; it doesn’t work that way, at least for us.

The inability to have a child has really hardened me in a horrible way. I noticed myself changing from one topic to the next, each day was a new plan, a new desire, but it wasn’t good enough. In my heart I was blaming my husband for this all, even though this is our problem, I didn’t want it to be mines anymore. I was so stuck, If I wasn’t blogging, I was depressed, if I wasn’t depressed, I was pretending I was happy. The dream of becoming a mother put my entire life in a standstill. Bding was routine, checking my mucus was the highlight of my day, I couldn’t get straight hours of sleep because I was so amused to temp. There were no future plans, I couldn’t pick out vacations, I could never think about plans for our second bedroom, if it wasn’t a nursery I didn’t care, damn, I couldn’t even buy new clothing, and everything was set on my belief that I’d be pregnant at a certain time.

Now at cycle 12, I’ve had to take a step back and get to know myself, you know the person I was before I became statistically screwed. Because of this, I’ve decided to just take it all one step at a time, I am continuing on with my education and professional studies, and working on my relationship with DH and God, this is my life, this is my story.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

All About Me

I realized a few days ago that Employment Law is my career, but infertility, that's my passion. Right now i'm working on my career.....

I've goggled "how to improve you UGPA for law school" ten million times, I wanted at least a 3.4 GPA going into applying for law school, currently I have a 3.2, 3 or 4 undergraduate classes more would give me the 3.4 I wanted, I also need to improve upon my writing skills and logical thinking for the LSAT (a 160 is my goal), so the classes will be truly worth it.

I guess, If I can pay down my looming credit card debt that I accumulated when life was though of as "when" and not "if". I can take the LSAT in September/December 2009, and apply to start law school in 2010.

And just when you think you have everything figured out...

You get a bill for $322.00 due January 22th..... for the sewer you bypassed.....

Hey Babybell!

9.15: Born at 9lbs, 1oz, 21.25 inches (90% all the way around)
9.21: 9lbs 1oz, 21 inches (hey did you get smaller..lol..)
10.14: 10lbs 3oz, 21.25
11.18: 11lbs 3oz, 21.5 inches hey shorty (50%, 60% and 75%)
1.18: 13lbs 4oz, 24.5 inches hey you're tall! (50%, 75%, 75%)

Pregnancy Timeline

1.7 : Positive Pregnancy Test (2 days late for period, approx. 16/17 DPO)
1.14: Beta reveals 12,943 HCG count (at approximately 23 DPO)
1.21: Perfect Measurements, Sweet Heartbeat One Baby Lives Here (59,594.2 HCG, 13.4 progesterone)
2.6: 8w4d perfect measurements again.... 180BPM.... sweet!! got a shytload of blood taken....
2.20: 10w4d, Colposcopy and Biopsy....saw baby through tummy scan. Mommy's big baby and a H/B of 173!!
2.27: Colopscopy is PERFECT!! my cervix is a go!! 199 days to go!
3.4: Baby beating so hard!! 12w2d end of first trimester O/B appointment!!
3.30: 16 weeks appointment, hearbeat of 157!
4.21: hb 151....everything is okay with the little LADY!!
4.27: BabyBell is measuring a whole week ahead, yep, our little lady is a big girl... heartbeat 151-158 =)
5.26: Glucose Testing & 24W1d appointment heartbeat of 153 and totally movin around for the doctor =) I <3 Babybell
6.23: 28w1d appointment, Babybell heartbeat in the 150-160 range, measurements at 29....
7.7: 30w1d appointment, Jayd'z sucha active little girl!! great measurements, great heartbeat, was told to start the initial process of finding a baby doctor and asked about childbirth classes
7.23: 32w3d appointment, heartrate in the 160's, measuring at 32 weeks (on target) but feel defeated because I'm so huge...lol
8.6: 34w3d appointment, measuring at 35 weeks heartbeat is regulated in the 130's, StrepB testing and cervix check (nothing going on down here yet)!
8.17: 36w appointment, heartbeat in the 140's,StrepB negative, bloodwork completed this day(1cm dialated, 50% effaced)
8.24: growth scan and 37w appointment, 6pounds 14 ounces =), (1cm dialated, 70& effaced), high blood pressure, 120/90 apparently Jayda likes living in mommy...lol and was playin all during the exam h/b 154
8.31: HB perfecto! 1cm/80% (argh) passed on bloodwork and Strep Test
9.8: 2.5 cm/80%... HB is ughhh ok? 120/82..(uh-oh) ummm doctor mentions that next appointment, we'll talk induction, I see a C-section in the future....
9.14: DUE DATE!! 190 lbs, Oh my!!! Blood pressure is 140/90 sent to hospital and was inducted I was having contractions!! (who knew)
9.15: Hey I'm a Mom =)

Pregnancy Gains!!

Prepregnancy Weight: 154
Doctor's Approvided Gain: 25-35lbs (179-189 lbs)

6w2d: 154 lbs
8w2d: 149 lbs
10w2d: 144 lbs
12w: 144 lbs
16w: 144 lbs
17w4d: 143.2 lbs (before any meals)
20w: 149 lbs
24w: 159 lbs (No more junk food for us...lol)
26w6d: 165 (uh-oh..... okay seriously this time no more junk food..lol)
28w1d: 165 (SUCCESS IS MINE!! lol)
30w1d: 171 (Blame it on the rice and beans..lol)
32w3d: 175 (but I look like I gained 30 lbs...lol)
34w3d: 179 (much less then I expected, that's for sure..lol)
36w: 180 (CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES...lol)
37w: 185 (hmmm....????)
38w: 184 (down!)
39w: 185 (up!)
40w: 190 (wtf)

Morning Sickness
6w3d - 7w6d: Moderate
8w - 14w5d: Severe
14w6d - 17w: Moderate
17w1d - present: Mild